Global warming is here (oh wait, I mean Spring)

I read an interesting article in the National Post yesterday. It appears that snow cover across North America (and many other parts of the world) is at its greatest since 1966. I sent the story over to Al Gore but haven't heard back yet. Sounds like he is pretty busy since winning a Nobel Peace Prize. The Smoking Gun reported in July of 2007 that Al Gore was charging $100,000 per "Environmental Lecture". This got me thinking ~ maybe I can profit by instilling fear in the hearts of my fellow citizens. Here's my list of "theories" that are sure to make it big. Hmmm....

Do I smell a Nobel Peace Prize in my future?

1. Global cooling. We sure got a lot of snow this year. If we don't stop eating ice cream the world will freeze over. Please help your fellow man, eat more Hot Pockets.


2. Earthquakes are becoming more frequent. Recently there was one in Nevada and the UK (today). These are caused by obesity. Too many overweight people moving at once causing a shift in the tectonic plates. Fast food is prevalent and there is no regard for what we put into our bodies. Stop earthquakes. Eat more vegetables.


3. Hurricanes are increasing in force. This is caused because of yawning. Everyone knows that yawning is contagious. The more people yawn the higher the Category of hurricane. Please cover your mouth when yawning.


4. Tornadoes are a direct result of poor plumbing. Tornadoes are caused by over stimulation of sewer lines. When too many people flush their toilets at the same time, the "funnel effect" is released into the atmosphere. Trailer parks have antiquated sewer lines and are hence more prone to tornadoes. Stay away from trailer parks and only flush the toilet if your home was built in the last 5 years.

Alright, I was going to go on but this rant has already served its purpose. I feel much better than I did ten minutes ago.

And yes, I know that there is a cause and effect to all things. I just like making fun of people that seem to take advantage of their public profile. I mean, come on, you already gave us the Internet.

PB